Crazy Christmas Crimes
It’s finally December. The most wonderful time of the year, they say. I think “they” are out of their damn minds! Turf wars over what holiday symbols go where, shopping craziness, and low bank accounts. It’s the most exhausting time of the year.
I realize I sound like The Grinch, but I don’t hate all of it. I do love finding the right presents for the people I love. And stuffing my face with holiday goodies! I could be much worse. Check out these people that took being naughty to a whole new level:
- The Case of the Missing Baby Jesus – In December 2008, some idiot stole the baby Jesus from in front of the Wellington, Florida Community Center. Luckily someone was very smart and put a GPS device inside the statue. It was found lying face down on the floor in the apartment of an eighteen-year-old girl. https://www.wflx.com/story/9450122/a-gps-for-baby-jesus/
- The Bath Salt Break-In – In November of 2011 in Dayton, Ohio, a man snorted some bath salts and decided to break into someone’s house. While he was in there he hung up some Christmas decorations, lit a candle, and sat down to watch tv. An 11-year-old boy was alone upstairs. He called the neighbor, who called the police. While he was being arrested, he apologized to the boy for scaring him. https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/burglar-high-bath-salts-breaks-family-home-puts-christmas-decorations-article 1.977254#:~:text=Snorting%20bath%20salts%20put%20one,television%2C%20local%20station%20WHIO%20reported.
- The Kids in the Trunk – In December of 2012, a man from Lancaster, SC was pulled over while driving to a Christmas parade with stolen plates on his car. While he was being arrested, four kids between the ages of 11 and 14 climbed out of the trunk. He said he was just taking them to the parade. https://www.wyff4.com/article/police-kids-jump-out-of-trunk-during-dad-s-arrest/7002875#
- Present Snoop Arrested – In 2006, a South Carolina woman had her 12-year-old son arrested. Apparently, the kid was a huge pain in the ass and never listened. He was snooping, found a Nintendo GameBoy hidden at his great-grandmother’s, and decided to play it. His mother was so pissed that she had him arrested. He was charged with petty larceny and his mother left him at the police station until after she went to church. https://www.wltx.com/article/news/twelve-year-old-arrested-for-opening-christmas-present-early/101-382677483
- The Santacon Bank Robbery – During 2014’s San Francisco Santacon, while all the other Santas were getting sloppy drunk all over the city, one of them had other ideas. Santa walked into a bank around 1:00 p.m., handed a note to a teller, and got away with an unknown amount of cash. He blended in with all the other Santas and has never been caught https://www.sfgate.com/crime/article/Crafty-crook-in-Santa-suit-robs-bank-during-5958670.php
- Lightsaber Attack – An Oregon 911 operator got a strange call in December 2011. A man in a local Toys ‘R Us store had a lightsaber in each hand and was swinging them at customers. He eventually walked out to the parking lot where the police were waiting for him. He started swinging at the cops too. They tried to tase him, but he knocked the wires away. The police eventually arrested him and took him in for evaluation. He was charged with disorderly conduct, assault, resisting arrest, theft, interfering with a police officer, and using the dark side of The Force. https://www.oregonlive.com/portland/2011/12/hillsboro_man_held_after_alleg.html
- The Santa Claus Burglar – This isn’t technically a Christmas crime, but it’s funny AF! On February 19, 2010, firefighters in Seattle had to remove a blockage in a chimney. They spent about forty-five minutes chipping away at the chimney to free a local man named Shon Shanell. Mr. Shanell had been stuck in the chimney, screaming for help, for about six hours…Naked! When has was asked what happened, he said he had been trying to get his backpack and got stuck. He claimed that his friend threw the backpack up there. It was found leaning against the garage. He was sentenced to seventeen months in prison. https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/prison-not-north-pole-for-santa-claus-burglar/
How’s that for a bit of holiday cheer? I hope you guys have more festive things on your mind.