I.HATE.CLOWNS.

I.HATE.CLOWNS. I have said this before, and I will say it again – I. HATE. CLOWNS. I don’t have a good reason. I just do. There’s no traumatizing clown experience in my past or anything like that. Feel free to make fun of me, you won’t be the first or the last.  Some people have a serious fear of clowns. It’s called coulrophobia, an excessive fear of clowns. I disagree. People that suffer from coulrophobia are REALLY terrified. If they see a clown they might start sweating, feel nauseous, start crying or screaming, or just full-on panic. Actual coulrophobia is rare. Like me, most people just get freaked out and turn away (admittedly, I have also been known to jump).  

If you are a clown, I’m sorry. I know that people become clowns because they think it will make children smile. Unfortunately, a large majority of kids don’t like clowns. It’s not your fault. But I’m also pretty sure clown college turns people into serial killers (Pogo the Clown, anyone?). Or people eating zombies. Or Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Feel free to choose your favorite. (Again, sorry clowns).  

And let’s not forget the invasion of the scary clown sightings. A bunch of randoms decided it would be fun to dress as clowns and stand around in the dark just staring at people. 

I think it’s because you can’t see who they really are.  I like to see someone’s true face. What you see isn’t real. When they’re in character, they usually change their voice. And a clown laugh can border on maniacal – like they’re about to lose it. And sometimes their makeup is just plain terrifying, even though it’s not meant to be. Even the original Ronald McDonald was scary as shit. Click this link to our Instagram @scarymatter to see for yourself! 

Clowns go back to ancient Egypt as a source of entertainment. Then as time passed they ended up in freak shows. Then they ended up in books, plays, operas, and musicals – as bad guys. Here are some of what I consider the scariest clowns (because technically my list contains every clown, ever!):

• PENNYWISE – IT (1990) – I’m talking about the OG. There may never be anything as scary as Tim Curry’s Pennywise. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever watch that movie again!

• HE – HE Who Gets Slapped  – (1924) – If you’re not a fan of silent films, skip this one. Lon Chaney is an inventor-turned circus clown known as HE. His act is people slapping him. He falls in love with a woman in the circus that doesn’t love him back. On one hand, you kind of feel sorry for him. On the other hand, he may be heartbroken, but he is a truly creepy ass clown!

• THE CLOWN DOLL – Poltergeist – (1982)- That doll is a nightmare. Why the hell would a kid have such a scary thing sitting at the foot of his bed STARTING AT HIM! The clown attack was so well done. It played out in such a terrifying way!

• ART THE CLOWN – Terrifier – (2016)- Full disclosure – I haven’t seen the whole movie. I will say this…the only thing worse than a scary clown is a scary clown that doesn’t say anything!!!

• TWISTY – American Horror Story – (2014) – Twisty was a topic of discussion in our office recently. I was informed that he should be part of my list. BUT…I have a love/hate relationship with Twisty. For some reason, he doesn’t scare me. I always felt a little sorry for him. He was brain-damaged from being dropped on his head as a baby. He was falsely accused of pedophilia and lost his job. He tried to kill himself but only managed to blow off his jaw. No wonder he lost his mind!!!

• POGO THE CLOWN a/k/s John Wanye Gacy – Gacy was also part of the discussion. The debate was that if I didn’t know that he was a serial killer, would I still be freaked out by him. The answer is yes! He was pretty creepy looking for someone that wanted to entertain kids. However – he had the perfect makeup for someone that wanted to murder young boys and bury them under his house (just saying).

• RONALD MCDONALD – As I mentioned earlier, I suppose he could go either way. If you click here, you can see the first commercial he appeared in, and then decide if you want to buy a hamburger from him!

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/the-history-and-psychology-of-clowns-being-scary-20394516/